Miriam, the mother of Jesus had at least two sisters. One was my mother and the other one was the mother of Miriam and John.

Both my cousin Miriam and I were named Miriam after the mother of Jesus, so much was she loved and respected by her younger sisters. I was 13 months younger than my cousin Miriam and so I was called Mirri to distinguish me from her.

Our two families lived close together in a prosperous part of the town and we children spent a lot of time together. Joshua (Jesus) was 18 when I was born and so I did not meet him until I was 12 years old when he came to my wedding in Canaan. At that wedding my new husband, Simon, became enthralled with Joshua and became one of his most ardent supporters. Simon's family was one of the leading wine making families in the district. Here it is at the wedding of the eldest son of this wine making family and the wine runs out. Because this would have caused such a social embarrassment to his family Jesus changed the water to wine so the family could save face.

We were wealthy and often it was in our home that Joshua and the disciples met and even stayed for extended periods. All this time Simon kept up his family wine making business.

Childhood

When I was growing up I had a tremendous crush on John and from the age of two I followed him around saying that I was going to marry him. He graciously put up with me but at no time did he agree to my plans. It was very traumatic for me when I found out that a marriage had been arranged for me to a young man I had never met. I was about to run away from home and in fact got to John's home to seek Miriam's help. John discovered us in a conspiratorial huddle and demanded to know what we were doing. I blurted out that I would not marry anyone but him and he realised he had to set me straight. John was a Seer and he knew a great deal about what our lives were meant to be and so he told me his mission in life and what he knew of mine and Miriams's. It was with this knowledge that I meekly went back home and became the dutiful daughter and eventually, wife.

The Days of Jesus Ministry

Miriam stood beside me at my wedding and I knew she was wishing that it was her wedding to Joshua. I wondered if she knew what my mother had told me that morning, about what married people do to have children. I wasn't looking forward to that at all and wondered if she would be so keen to marry Joshua if she knew what marriage meant. I did think that perhaps it would be alright with someone you loved.

The next day I had to say goodbye to Miriam and John. I blushed every time I looked at John, thinking of what it would have been if I had married him instead of Simon. I was so jealous of Miriam who was not going back to her home but was going with John, Joshua and Aunt Miriam. It seemed so exciting and I was stuck there with all the responsibilities of a married woman. My Mother in Law was talking babies already. She didn't have long to wait. I had my first baby just a couple of months after my 13^th birthday. A little boy, also called Simon after his father. I must say that Simon was a good man and a good husband.

He treated me with respect and consulted with me on matters concerning the vineyard where we lived for most of the year. I wasn't much help in the decisions at first but as time went on I gained knowledge of the business and became quite interested in it.

It was not long after little Simon was born that Joshua came to see me. I guess if Simon was home at the time he would have seen him instead. Joshua wanted a place where he could meet with some of his people in secret and thought that the little cottage we had on a back part of the vineyard would be a good place. None of the workers ever went there as it was in a wooded part of the property that had never been cultivated. There was no direct road to it from the main house and so it seemed unconnected to our property. I agreed to Joshua using this cottage and even took it upon myself to go there and clean it up. I had to be careful not to alert the servants to where I was going. The house we lived in had a secret exit from one of the unused storerooms on the lower floor. Simon had found it as a child and kept it a secret. He took great pleasure in showing it to me when he first brought me there. He had used that room as a place to play and the rest of the family came to call it Simon's room. He had not used it in years but no other use was given to it. We agreed that I would take it over and make it into a "retreat". The servants knew that when I was in there I was not to be disturbed under any circumstances. What they thought of my increasingly strange ways I have no idea but I soon realised that if they expected me to do odd things then it was to my advantage in what I wanted to do.

What I wanted to do was to have some involvement with the work that Joshua was doing. On the rare times that I saw Miriam she would tell me of the things he taught them and I was so envious of her in that. My envy did not affect the great love we had for each other though and I knew that she paid a heavy cost to be so close to Joshua and his work.

In my little "retreat" I had clothes that made me appear of the serving class and I would put them on and go out the secret door which went into a short tunnel that opened into a cave that opened into a wooded area at the back of the house. If anyone happened to catch a glimpse of me they would have paid no attention because of the way I was dressed. It was in this manner that I was able to go to the cottage and make it ready for use. I had Simon's full support in this.

Joshua would get a message to us when he wanted to use the cottage and I would take food there for those who would be using it. After awhile we decided that I should go there every few days with food because they would be using the cottage more often and often unexpectedly. I had no idea what they were up to but I was just so excited to be a part of the goings on.

It was at this cottage that I met Faqui and Judah. I was there replenishing the food and cleaning up when these two strange men entered. I got such a fright and so did they. I think it was that I looked so much like aunt Miriam that they realised that I was their benefactress and did not kill me on the spot.

Faqui was very dark skinned and spoke with a strange accent. Judah was of my race and spoke in the Roman manner except when he got excited or angry and then the fine manner disappeared. I found them to be so fascinating. They had me enthralled with the stories of their adventures. Many times they would arrive when I was there and we became quite good friends.

Faqui even used to flirt with me. I knew he meant nothing by it and I really wished that it was Judah who would tease me so. I came to hero worship Judah. He was so exciting compared to my good, dear and boring Simon.

Of course I never once entertained the idea of being unfaithful to Simon but a girl can have her dreams, can't she. I used to look forward to those times in the cottage and each time I went there I would hope they would come. Sometimes it would be others of the group who would be there and I would not stay but when it was Faqui and Judah I would stay as long as I could. Sometimes Joshua would join them and he always asked me to stay awhile and at these times I could see why so many people loved him and the things he would say about life and living have stayed in my heart to this day.

At some time during this period Joshua, Aunt Miriam, Miriam, John and James came to visit us. Joshua was very tired out from all he had been doing and Aunt Miriam thought that a brief holiday in the comfort of our home would do him good. They kept a low profile as far our servants were concerned and it seemed that the servants didn't realise who was staying with us. If they suspected they made nothing of it and so the visit was a wonderful change for all of us except for one thing. Aunt Miriam had a young woman with her, named Esther. She was a lovely woman and I liked her immediately. She was recovering from an illness and that is why Aunt Miriam brought her. It was as they were all leaving and we were saying our goodbyes that Joshua said to me, "By the way, did you know that Esther is the wife of Judah? He will be very pleased that you and she have gotten along so well."

I was stunned and barely able to stammer some sort of reply. In all the hullabaloo of the departure the only one to notice my discomfiture was Joshua. I think he told me in this way as being the best way to let me know the truth as I'm sure he knew of my feelings for Judah. I was devastated of course but could not let on to anyone and thus was my first lesson in hiding my true feelings from the world. This was something that I would need to be able to do later on in my life in Rome.

Of course the love that a 14 year old girl feels for a much older man seems to her to be what true and abiding love is. Sometimes, as in the case of Miriam's love for Joshua, it is that and does endure. In hindsight I realise that what I had was a huge schoolgirl crush on Judah. However, that crush was based on what I truly believe to be a true friendship and had he lived I'm sure that the friendship would have endured long after the crush had subsided.

Of course, as nature would have it, I became pregnant with my 2^nd child. I was well into my 7^th month when the Aunt Miriam, Joshua, John and James came on one of their visits. There was much discussion as to how Joshua could be allowed to live in peace and complete his spiritual mission. On the one hand the populace who loved him hounded him wherever he went and he would not say no to them and on the other hand those called Zealots were pressuring him into leading a charge against the Romans. Because I had spent so much time with Faqui and Judah I thought that he was meant to lead us to freedom from Rome and that we in this country would then live life as Joshua taught that it should be lived.

Joshua now told me that as a man of peace he could under no circumstances lead a battle charge or even condone such a thing.

He said that his mission was to teach us how to live in peace but that it would take many centuries before enough people could understand such a concept and put it into practice in the world because to live in peace we must be able to forgive everyone who has ever wronged us. Therefore we as a people must forgive the Romans for whatever they had done to us and live in peace with them.

The original plan was for Joshua to have a long public ministry. He was to demonstrate how to live the spiritual life whilst living in a material world with home and family. It was intended that after his initial becoming known in the country he would marry John's sister Miriam and balance a family life, actually demonstrate a truly balanced family life while working towards the state of ascension. It was indeed intended that he would ascend and in a public manner thus proving that death is an illusion.

However, the Roman authorities were now after him as a threat to Rome because the Zealots had set him up as the proposed King of the Jews who would overcome Rome. He was now in real danger of being taken by the Romans and executed. It was agreed that if he could survive and go into hiding he would still be able to reach the stage of ascension and continue to teach people the new way of living. Not to the multitude as it was now but to much smaller groups. This meant that something very spectacular had to occur in relation to Joshua so that his name, Jesus, and therefore, hopefully, his teachings would live on to influence people down through the centuries.

It was decided that the Crucifixion plan that apparently had been spoken of before amongst them would have to be the way to go. Joshua would have to appear to die and then be "resurrected" and shortly after that to "ascend". Then he could stop being Jesus and go back to being Joshua but he would have to transfer his mission to other parts of the world where he would not be recognised.

Simon and I were amazed that they could so calmly discuss this impossible plan. Nobody ever survived a crucifixion and surely they weren't expecting him to actually come back from the dead. I know that people thought that Joshua could raise the dead but he could only bring back those who appeared to be dead but still had what he called a silver thread attaching their soul to their body.

That was what they would do they said. Joshua had the ability to lower his heart rate and his breathing rate to where he would appear to be dead and as long as the timing was right and with the addition of the drugs that Joseph of Arimethea knew about they would be able to revive him. He could only be on the cross for a few hours though or there would be no hope of his survival. Joseph had it all worked out and because of his position in the Synagogue he could arrange a special Sabbath on the Wednesday so that the bodies would have to come down on the same day instead of waiting till Friday evening. Joseph even had a special tomb ready that had a hidden chamber where they could put Joshua while the physicians worked on reviving him and where he could stay until he was well enough to be moved. We spent much time on the fine details of the plan. Simon even had some useful things to say. I just listened in amazement, very aware that what we were planning could well be Joshua's actual death.

How could they be so calm about it. I looked at Miriam and as our gaze met I could see the terror in her eyes. Aunt Miriam was very quiet and seemed to be deep in thought.

Then they started saying that we could tell no one of this plan, not even those others who were so close to Joshua because it was so critical that everyone act so normal. Before I realised it I blurted out, "What about Judah?", "and Faqui." I quickly added.

Joshua said, "They are zealots and as much as I love them dearly, they are part of the reason I am in this situation. I have tried many times to tell them what my real mission is but they choose to interpret my words according to what they want to hear. They have been friends of mine for many years and I know that when it comes to the crunch they will forgo their plans and allow me to do what I must, but they must have no time in which to plot and plan or our plan will be undone."

I did not want to hear this said about my dear friends and heroes but even at 15 I could see the sense in what he said and I vowed that I would not say a word to them until it was safe to.

Joshua said, "After I am on the cross and there is no way of interfering with our plan you can tell them for once they know that their plans can not happen they will go along with our plan out of love and loyalty to me. You must tell no others but them until I say you can."

I knew that Judah would be devastated at the death of Joshua and that when he was told that Joshua had a chance of living he would be so overjoyed that he would probably hug the messenger. I then thought that if that messenger could be me then I would get the hug and he would always associate me with his joy. I knew that he saw me only as a friend and didn't take me seriously as a woman and that Esther was the love of his life but I wanted at least this little part in his life.

It was my suggestion that we use our Town House as a base leading up to the crucifixion. I said that I really wanted this baby born in Jerusalem but didn't think that I could go there as Simon was needed at the vineyard. Now of course I could travel with them as they made their way to Jerusalem and I could open up the house and everyone would just think it was another of my strange ideas to travel at this time to have my baby in Jerusalem. Because Joshua was weakened by recent events we would have to travel slowly anyway and so my advanced pregnancy would not hinder us.

Amazingly, everyone agreed to my coming along. I think Miriam wanted to have me near her as she was really worried that Joshua was going to die. I have to admit that I thought his chances of survival to be almost nil but I admired his courage and I wanted so much to be a part of things. To take my mind off the possibility of Joshua's death I would think of Judah's joy when I told him of the plan.

As we progressed on our way I became very excited about being with them all for others not in on the plan joined us along the way and I was finally a part of the group just as Miriam was. Every now and again Miriam or Aunt Miriam would tell me to be quiet and stop my chattering. I was too excited to take offence at this and really tried hard to be quiet. I guess I failed miserably because of the number times they said it to me.

It was a welcome relief to arrive at the house for by now I was into my 8^th month and very uncomfortable. I was determined not to let that stop me from being a part of all the activities as this was history in the making and I was going to be a part of it. I tried very hard not to think of how horrible the ordeal was going to be for Joshua. He was so courageous and Miriam said that he was already making himself ready mentally for what was to come.

I felt so selfish at times for being excited to be a part of it all and for thinking how nice it was going to be when Judah hugged me in his joy. At other times I couldn't help worrying about the ordeal that faced Joshua.

Chillingly, it all started to happen to plan and the awful day of Joshua's crucifixion came upon us. It was decided that it would not be good for all of us to be visible and so I dressed as a servant and kept in the background, ever on the lookout for Faqui and Judah. Suddenly into my mind came the thought, "I bet that it is Faqui who hugs me and not Judah." I tried very hard to put that thought out of my mind.

The progression to the site of the crucifixion was awful. A few times I glimpsed Judah and then Faqui stepped out of the crowd and took the cross from Joshua. I hoped that this meant that he would not try to rescue him as that would surely lead to his death.

For the sake of my unborn child I did not witness the actual nailing to the cross but I saw him hanging there in between the other two and it was then that Faqui put his hand upon my shoulder. Somehow he had recognised me and the look in his eyes was one of devastation. We hugged each other and I whispered to him briefly of the plan. I could feel the tension release from his body and he said, "I must go and tell Judah." "No", I said, "You may be needed here. I know where he will be and so I will go now and tell him." It was not obvious just how pregnant I was and as he told me later, he would not have let me go if he had realised how close to delivery I was.

I was hurrying to find Judah. I knew where he would be. It was a place with stone steps and columns and was where he went if he was troubled. There I was, this well bred young woman hurrying through the streets when a small group of soldiers came across me and things got nasty. They circled me and started saying disgusting things and pulling at my clothes. I was starting to get hysterical when one of them noticed how pregnant I was. He must have had some decency because he said, "We won't get much fun out of her - there are better pickings." One of them pushed me and I fell to the ground in terror. They moved on and left me there. I scrambled to my feet and ran for my life in goodness knows what direction.

When I stopped running I realised that I was in a part of the town that I didn't know. I took a guess at the right direction to go in and the streets got dirtier and smellier. I realised that I was lost and started to retrace my steps. I was getting very tired and frantic to get to Judah and away from all the smells and dangers. Suddenly I felt a stab of pain to my heart and I collapsed. I knew that Judah was dead because I saw in a flash a fight in the Temple where I was heading and I saw Judah killed. This may have been happening then or it may have been a prevision but I knew that I would never see him again and that he died thinking that he had failed Joshua. Faqui had briefly told me of their plan to rescue him before I told him of ours.

When I regained consciousness I was lying on a pallet in a dirty little hovel. A woman bent over me and in her eyes I saw such genuine concern and love that it blotted out the smell and dirt of my surroundings. "Today a great man has been sacrificed and now your little one will have that day for its birth. I have brought my people to carry you to my house where you can have your child in cleanliness.", she said. Hannah was her name and she was a midwife to the middle classes of Jerusalem. The good people who lived in the hovel found me in the street and realised that I was a woman of the upper classes and so sent someone for Hannah. Hannah always came to help the poor women who were having trouble in childbirth and so was well known and loved.

She was right in that my daughter was born before midnight on the day of the crucifixion. I had no way of knowing if Joshua had survived his ordeal and if he was now secretly being brought back to health and also if my vision of Judah was correct.

Hannah had sent a messenger to my house to tell them where I was and that all was well. The messenger returned saying that the soldiers had come to the house looking for collaborators in some plot concerning the King of the Jews. They turned it upside down but found nothing that they were looking for. Hannah thought it best that I stay with her for a few days and so sent another messenger to my house to let them know.

A week later I was taken back home and there I found Faqui and Esther. Unbeknown to me some of my servants were supporters of Joshua and recognised Faqui as the one who bore the cross. They gave him and Esther shelter as the house was now considered safe because the soldiers had been and gone.

Esther was devastated with grief for my vision was correct and Judah was dead. Faqui also was lost without his companion of many years. Esther and Judah's children were there along with Faqui's wife and child. While we rejoiced in Joshua's recovery and the success of the plan we grieved deeply, each in our own way, for a man who could be the quietest and gentlest of men or the loudest and most impetuous. I named my daughter Judith after Judah.

In the coming days I started to feel that if I had let Faqui go to Judah maybe he would be alive. I carried that guilt with me for the rest of that life. I admitted to Esther how I felt about Judah and she said that she knew and that it helped to share her grief with another woman who also loved him. She also told me that one day, many years ahead, I would experience the same depth of love that she and Judah had. I told her that I blamed myself for Judah's death and she tried to convince me that nothing happens unless it is meant to. Still I carried the guilt.

When Judith was 2 weeks old we made the journey back to the vineyard. Faqui, Esther and their families decided that they had no place else to go and so I offered them a home with my family. I knew that Simon would agree.

When we arrived at the vineyard there was so much hustle and bustle. Simon's younger brother and his family had moved in and all our things were being packed. He barely noticed his new daughter. We were going to Rome to take over the vineyard that Simon's mother's brother had left him the year before. He had signed over our vineyard to his brother and we would not return. "Joshua needs us to be in Rome to help John and Peter and the others to spread the teachings so that they will not perish here where Joshua almost did.", he said. Faqui and Esther decided to come with us.

To be continued...