I am the Princess Nofret, elder half-sister to our great and glorious Queen Hatshepsut.  She and I share the same father. My mother was but a minor Queen.   I am two years older than my beloved sister and Queen. When we were children I looked after her but now it is she who looks after me.  My sister could not prevent my marriage at the age of 12, to Menkethare, a much older man of the nobility whom my father wished to appease.

I was sent away to his home where I was kept in the women's quarters until I was 14 and he deemed it his right to consummate the marriage. Menkethare was a pig of a man and the consummation of our marriage was a brutish affair that left me sickened and ashamed.

I was determined that I would not bear him a child which was his greatest desire.   All his children by his two other wives were dead and my only consolation in this was that they mothered me.  Senseshu and Marekmet hated him for his brutish ways and were relieved that he now rarely ordered them into his bed.  They helped me to get a powder from the birthing women that would stop conception.  They would do anything to prevent him from having his greatest desire.  There was another powder that we were able to procure and when the opportunity arose we slipped it into his food or drink and it made him temporarily impotent.  This worried him greatly and he consulted many doctors to no avail.

I wanted children but not by Menkethare.  There was a handsome young man who looked after the accounts of the household.  The more I saw of him the more I dreamed of having children with him.  I hatched a plan that I dared to share with Senseshu and Marekmet and they dared to help me to make it happen. Without their help I would not have been able to slip out of the women's quarters unseen. I disguised myself as a serving girl and made my way to the part of the house where servants of the rank of Ahmet the accountant lived.  It was not unusual for the serving girls to be in that part of the house at night and no one took any particular notice of me.

Ahmet was surprised, to say the least.  He was very reluctant at first as he feared the wrath of Menkethare.  However, he was a man and men can rarely resist a willing woman for very long.  The months that I spent bedding Ahmet were a wonderful interlude in my otherwise horrible existence.  We managed to keep Menkethare impotent until such time as I felt confident that I was with child to Ahmet and then I had to face the horrible acts that Menkethare would make me perform with him.  When Ahmet found out that I was with child his courage left him and he made some excuse to leave Menkethare's service.  I did not mind as I did not love him.  I knew I would miss the wonderful excitement of bedding him, though.

Menkethare was overjoyed to find out that I was with child at last and thankfully was so afraid to bring on a miscarriage that he left me alone.  My beautiful son was born right on time by my reckoning but of course was six weeks early to outward appearances.  All noted what a big child he was and it must have been natures way to birth him early for surely both mother and child would not have survived the birth if he had gone full term.  I was 17 and my sister Hatshepsut was now married to our half-brother and ruling with him.  It was no marriage at this stage as he was too young.

Before my beautiful son was weaned I became pregnant to Menkethare.  I felt that I carried a monster within my womb and I was determined to rid my body of this abomination.  Once again the birthing women came to my aid with one of their powders and I aborted the child.  Menkethare was so disappointed in my "miscarriage" that it was easy for me to convince him that I needed many weeks to recover before we resumed sexual relations.

I took this opportunity to find another likely candidate for the fatherhood of my next child. Ahmet's replacement was a singularly unattractive man but his assistant was very handsome and looked a lot like Ahmet.  I found out that this was because he was Ahmet's cousin.  That appealed to me as it would be better to have my children's father of the same blood and a cousin was better than no relation at all.  This man's name was Arehetmi and I followed the same plan as I had done with Ahmet.

He too was reluctant at first but soon came around and again my life was filled with wonderful sensual pleasures.  I had discovered that with the right kind of man sexual relations could be the most wonderful way to pass the time.  As the weeks went by I came to love Arehetmi and he professed to love me.  He was overjoyed when I told him I was with child and was very supportive of my feelings when I had to resume sexual relations with Menkethare.

At the earliest time I dared to I told Menkethare that I was again with child and he left me alone as he had done during my first pregnancy.  I of course resumed my relationship with Arehetmi.  I could have done none of this without the help and support of Senseshu and Marekmet.  All they asked of me was that I share the intimate details of my trysts with Arehetmi.  They adored my beautiful son and he filled their days with great happiness.

After the correct amount of time had passed I gave birth to my beautiful daughter who to all outward appearances arrived four weeks early.  Once again a large baby for an early birth. Menkethare was not so pleased with the birth of a daughter.  He wanted sons and made it known to me that at the earliest time that it would be healthy for me, we would resume our marital relations and create another child. This was not a problem to me as I intended to resume my relationship with Arehetmi as soon as possible.

Before I was able to do this a raging fever descended upon our household.   Many of the servants died and Arehetmi was one of them.  I was devastated but could not show it.  Then the fever struck Senseshu and Marekmet and within a day they too were dead.  This added to my devastation but at least I could now show my grief.   I became terrified for the safety of my children and as Menkethare shared my fear for them he allowed me to take the two day journey to my sister's palace where it was assumed they would be safe.

It was wonderful to be with my sister Hatshepsut again. It was obvious that she ruled the land even though it was our brother who was technically the Pharaoh. Thutmosewas a sickly boy and more interested in children's games than in affairs of state.   Hatshepsut had a keen mind and was quick to sum up a situation.  Many in the court said of her that it was a pity that she was but a woman for she had all the qualities needed in a Pharaoh.

It was such a handicap to happiness to be a woman.  If all you wanted was to be a wife and mother and your husband was a good man then your lot was quite good in Egypt compared to what I have been told of the state of women in neighbouring countries.  Both Hatshepsut and I wanted more from life than marriage and children.  Hatshepsut refused to acknowledge that she was a wife and always had herself referred to as  'God's Wife of Amen' rather than 'King's Great Wife', and only accepted the title 'King's Great Wife' when she could not avoid it.   She had every intention of never consummating her marriage to Thutmose.  Her one great intention was to be crowned Pharaoh in her own right and I pledged to help her in every way that I could in this. At the time of my arrival at her court I was 19 and she was 17.  She was very carefully playing the game according to the men's rules but was looking deeply and learning the ways that she would use in years to come to bring her great intention into reality.

In a few short weeks Menkethare sent a messenger to command me to return to him without delay.  I was sickened at the thought of going back to him.  My only friends were dead and apart from missing their companionship there was no one who would aid me in finding another lover to compensate for the degradation of being a wife to Menkethare. The future loomed before me in all its misery and I fell to my knees before Hatshepsut and begged her to intervene.  She fobbed him of for a few more weeks by sending him a message to the effect that she was unwell and needed me at her side for awhile.  We used this time to plan our course of action which would enable me to continue to live at court.

There was some trouble in the territories along the Northern border and it was necessary to mount a campaign to subdue the people in those lands.  In his youth Menkethare was a valiant soldier who rose to the rank of general and so it did not appear strange that Hatshepsut suggested very strongly that he lead a battalion into the Northern lands.  The order came to Menkethare couched in such glowing terms of his military prowess that he was overwhelmed with gratitude to Hatshepsut for this great honour.   I made sure that he thought that I had a lot to do with the bestowal of this honour so that he would feel indebted to me.

Now I could relax and enjoy my life.  I soon found the daily round of women's pastimes very boring.  I spent some time with my children but the day to day care of them was the work of nursemaids and so I was often at a loose end.  Hatshepsut always tried to spend some time each day with me but her responsibilities of state were great.   Soon my mind started wandering towards men and I found that I was getting to the stage where I would cast aside all caution to have some of the excitement that having a lover would bring to my life. 

I had another yearning and this was of the mind. I wanted to know about history and about the Gods.  I knew that a lot of information was written in books for people to learn from and that in order to gain this knowledge I would have to learn how to read.  I also wanted to write.  This was unheard of for women but I was determined to have what I wanted.

I thought that if I took a Scribe for a lover then I would have all my needs met.   Firstly I sought out a birthing woman to get some powder to stop conception.   Because I did not know any other woman of the court well enough to trust with this I had to sneak about the market place in disguise and get the powder from the first birthing woman I could find.  She was a miserable, smelly old crone but she had the powder and I paid a good price for it.  As it turned out I paid too high a price and I do not mean in gold.

There were many Scribes at the court and while I waited for the powder to take effect I looked them over.  Naturally I wanted a handsome man but I also wanted one who was especially good at reading and writing and who would have the patience to teach me in return for my warming his bed.  Each afternoon I would go to their work area and talk with them.  Because I was a princess, albeit a lowly one, and the favoured sister of the Queen, they tolerated my presence.  After awhile I knew which ones were the candidates for my favours and so I concentrated on them and left the others alone. I found that I enjoyed what I had come to call, "The Chase".  Eventually I decided upon Akmentmet and whispered to him to meet me in the south garden at midnight that night and that it would be very worth his while.

I waited in the shadows of the garden until he arrived and then I shed my garment and moved out into the moonlight where the Moon shed her light upon my naked body. Akmentmet's tongue flopped out of his mouth and he barely hesitated when I ordered him to come closer. I placed his hand upon my breast and told him that he could have all he desired of me on one condition. His breathing was quick and hard and it was not easy for me to get him to concentrate on what my condition was.  Eventually he understood that in return for my favours he would have to teach me to read and write.  He agreed on the proviso that the Pharaoh agreed that it was permissible for Princess Nofret to be taught reading and writing by the Scribe Akmentmet. Here it was again, even when I was at my most irresistible, the worthlessness of a woman compared to a man made itself felt.

I was both desperate to read and write as well as for this man to make love to me there and then.  I agreed and made it seem that it was merely a gesture of my goodwill that I would allow him to take me there in the garden.  In no way was I going to let a man know of my need.  It must always be seen as me in control of the situation. That night in the garden I realised that in one respect, at least, I had chosen wisely.

It turned out to be a good thing that my lessons were sanctioned by Pharaoh.   Not that Thutmose ever knew about it.  It was Hatshepsut who agreed to it.   Every afternoon for two hours Akmentmet would come to my apartments to teach me.   My maid was always there but with the help of a sleeping powder, she always fell asleep and we had ample opportunity to make love before she woke up to find us busily working away at our lesson.  For the next three months my life was blissful.   All my needs were met.  Then I started to feel unwell.  It was mild at first and so I took little notice of it.  Then I started to get headaches which after two months were so bad some days that I could not do my lesson or frolic in bed with Akmentmet.  I don't know which one disappointed me more.  After six months of lessons I fell so ill that it was thought I would die.  As the days went by I gradually started to improve and I started raving about needing to take my powder so that I could continue my lessons with Akmentmet.

Hatshepsut was very worried about me and when it was reported to her that I was raving about a powder that I needed to keep doing my lessons she ordered a search of my rooms.  The powder from the birthing woman was found and examined very carefully by the doctors.  It was determined that it was the powder that had caused my illness as it was poorly mixed and had too large a dose of a substance that was a poison.  It had been building up in my system until finally I collapsed, near death.

It took me many months to recover my health but I was able to resume my lessons on a reduced basis in a few weeks.  Of course Akmentmet and I had to restrain ourselves which was becoming increasingly hard.  Hatshepsut knew what the powder was for and when she felt I was well enough she asked me to tell her what was going on.  I told her the truth and she surprised me by producing a powder procured from what she assured me was a reliable source and forbade me to ever go into the common market place for such things again.  However, I had to wait another three months before I could safely take the new powder and another month before I could resume my relationship with Akmentmet.

By the time I had learned to read and write I had tired of Akmentmet and was already casting my eye around for a new conquest. There were many handsome men at court and I could take my pick of them.  I was considered to be a beautiful woman and the fact that I was the Queen's beloved sister made me very attractive to those men who wanted advancement.  It was quite a game  I played, seeking them out and leading them on, tantalising them until they were begging me to make love to them.  Sometimes I would favour them and sometimes not.  I found that I had quite some power and I enjoyed it for as I said before, a woman's lot was a poor one.  If a man pleased me well I would find him favour with the Queen.

It was at this time that Menkethare had success in the Northern Regions and so to keep him there Hatshepsut made him Governor of the Northern Regions.  Of course he wanted me to come and live there with him and to bring "his" children to him. I was no longer a useless woman.  I could read and write and I was already proving very useful to Hatshepsut in her daily activities of state.  At first the men were against me taking part in such matters but Hatshepsut reminded them that she was a woman and took part and so why could not her sister whom she trusted above all others?  They had to back down for to deny me was to insult her.

Hatshepsut informed Menkethare that I was far too valuable to her for her to let me go to him.  She asked him if he wanted to forfeit the great honour she bestowed upon him and come to live at the palace.  I desperately hoped that he would want the honour more than me and I was so relieved when his answer was to agree that I stay at court while he governed the Northern Regions.

I was enjoying life at court immensely.  One afternoon as I arrived back at the Palace from a pleasure cruise on the river with my latest conquest there was a messenger from my sister, the Queen, waiting for me.  She wanted to see me immediately.  I took my time in getting to her private apartments and when I arrived I found her in a sorry state indeed. 

"I'm pregnant", she said.  My first reaction was of horror that the powder was not working reliably.  All I could think of was that I too could be in the same awkward position if the powder could not be relied upon.

"You stupid slut, it's not the powder at fault for I did not take it!" she screamed at me.

"You did not take it! Now who is the stupid one?" I screamed back.

She burst into tears and I cradled her in my arms as I had done when we were children and I was the stronger of the two of us.  In later years she had been my strength and I had come to take it for granted.  Now I realised that she was just as weak as I was in the matter of men but she had fallen into the trap of falling in love with this man and longing for his child.

I had to admit that she had good taste in men.  This one was a Prince of a foreign land, visiting our court on a diplomatic mission. He was very handsome and I must admit I was a little disappointed when he preferred her to me.  Still, he had many interesting companions.

For once I stopped thinking of myself and thought of the problem at hand.   She could not pass the child off as that of Thutmose and so we came up with the plan that I would visit my husband and stay away for about a year, returning with a new child.  Hatshepsut would hide her pregnancy as long as possible and then retire to the country for health reasons.  She would have the baby in seclusion and I would come to this place to become the baby's mother.  Hatshepsut would return to the court ahead of me.

This posed one major problem.  Menkethare would know that the child was not his and also we had no guarantee that he would allow me to return once I had rejoined him.  Then there was the matter of my utter disgust of his physical presence.

The solution was obvious.  We would have to murder Menkethare.  Our plan was for Hatshepsut to get a suitable poison which I would administer in such a way as to make it a drawn out and fatal illness.

We quickly put our plan into action.  I refused to take my children with me.  I had no qualms about murdering Menkethare but I did not want my children to have any exposure to this act of mine.  I would simply tell him that their health was delicate and that I would not risk the trip for them.  Once I was there he could do nothing about it anyway.

It was not a pleasant trip and my arrival was even more unpleasant.  I found that Menkethare had installed a secondary wife in his household.  Metmut was not pleased to see me who, as primary wife, would now be mistress of the house.  She had a small child, a boy who by rights was Menkethare's heir.  Of course that was information that only I had and I certainly was not going to deny my son his inheritance.   This woman actually cared very much for Menkethare and she made it very difficult for me to administer the poison as I had planned.

In the end I had to become her friend and to make matters worse I had to join her and Menkethare in the bedroom.  This was most disgusting but I managed to pretend to be a very willing plaything by thinking about every single man I had ever enjoyed being with.  Menkethare was very pleased with the change in me and soon I was in a position where I could administer the poison on a regular basis.

Menkethare's illness progressed just as I planned that it would.  Metmut became increasingly anxious of his welfare.  I pretended to share her concern.   In a couple of months we became the grieving widows.  I had made his dying as miserable as I could and felt very satisfied with my handiwork.  The cures that the doctors tried on him were sometimes worse than his illness and this gave me great satisfaction.  When Menkethare knew he was dying he made arrangements for the distribution of his wealth.  Most went to my son but he arranged a generous legacy for Metmut and her son.  It was I who suggested that he give his estate far from the capital to Metmut for her son's inheritance.  I felt that she would be so far away from the court as to pose no threat to Hatshepsut and I.  I had come to genuinely like her somewhat and had no desire to murder her or her son.

Time was running out and I had to leave for my rendezvous with Hatshepsut and assume my role as new mother.  When I arrived at the country estate I found that things had gone well.  Hatshepsut was surrounded by a small number of slaves and a few trusted personal servants and guards.  It was our intention to sell the slaves to foreigners before we returned to the palace and to purchase new ones for our return trip.   As soon as I arrived my slaves were sold and I hired free men for my trip back to the palace.  I did this selling, buying and hiring as we dared not bring another person into our intrigue.  We had no choice but to trust some but kept it to those who had served Hatshepsut for many years.

When Hatshepsut was well enough she returned to the palace and I joined her there in a months time.  Some people dared to remark on the skin colour of Princess Nofret's new son but by now I had enough personal power at the court as to be able to shrug such comments off.

>Things soon settled down and I became so busy with the affairs of state that took up so much of my sister's time that I lost interest in toying with men for awhile.  It seemed that the desire for learning was stronger in me than the desire of the body.  The doctors advised me that it was not wise to take the contraceptive powder continuously and so I decided to stop taking it for awhile and concentrate on learning statecraft with my sister. It was at this time in my life that I learned that men could be friends and not just lovers.  I had only ever loved one man and he died of the fever. I had decided then, from that time onwards men would be mere playthings for me.  I had not considered that they could be friends.  Now that I was not hunting them some of the men at court treated me differently and I became friends with three men who would stand by me in friendship for the rest of my life.   I learned much from these three gentle men who were the backbone of my sister's administration.

Then there was Senenmut. The more I saw of him the more I was attracted to him.   I was becoming bored with state affairs and found myself longing for the caress of a man.  I began to take the powder again, in preparation for my conquest of Senenmut. For once in my life I did not have an easy conquest of this man. All my efforts to attract him to my bed failed.  Eventually I had to admit that I could not conquer this man and I was so despondent that I stopped taking the powder and vowed I would never have another man.  I had fallen in love with this man without realising it and the hurt of his rejection was more than I could bear.   Then a few weeks after I ceased to pursue him he came upon me in a secluded part of the garden, just as the sun was setting.

He startled me with his presence and I was both breathless and speechless.   He drew me to him and began to caress me.  I forgot all about the fact that I was no longer taking the powder and I gave myself to him with a passion that matched his own.  Thus began a strange relationship.  If ever I made a move towards him he would reject me and in my hurt and anger I would ignore him.  Then he would appear at my door and sweep me off my feet.  I soon learned that this was how he liked to play the game and so I played along with it, but not before I became pregnant to him.

Now I knew how Hatshepsut felt about her pregnancy.  I could not kill this child of the man I loved so deeply. I decided that I would continue with the pregnancy and brazen it out at court.  To do this I would need my sister's support and so I arranged to see her privately.

At first she was very sympathetic.  When I told her that Senenmut was the father her mood changed to rage.  She raged at me that he was her lover.  I was horrified for I thought that he was faithful to me.  We raged at each other until we had exhausted ourselves and fell to crying in each other's arms.  It was then that we realised how much we loved each other and that if Senenmut was going to have other women it had best be ourselves.  We decided that we could share him and share his child.   Hatshepsut dearly wanted to have a child to Senenmut herself but dared not risk it.   This was a compromise she could live with.

We decided that Senenmut should suffer a little for his duplicity and so we confronted him together and watched him squirm for awhile.  We spoke about public castration and such things discomforting to men.  Then we both embraced him and I will leave it up to your imagination as to what happened next.

I delivered a beautiful daughter to Senenmut and we called her Neferure.  All knew that she was my child but Hatshepsut became her public mother.  She gave her all the titles and privileges that she would have had if she was Hatshepsut's natural child.   I could not complain as I was the public mother to her young son and I had the pleasure of seeing the great pride Senenmut had in his daughter.

It was at this time that our brother Thutmose died, leaving his son by a minor wife as the next Pharaoh.  Because he was only 2 years old Hatshepsut became his Regent. She was Pharaoh in all but name and it was not long before she dared to have herself crowned Pharaoh in her own right.  I was amazed at her audacity and I admired her so much for having the courage to do it.  I would not have had such courage.

I decided that I did not want to have any more children as my figure did not completely recover from this last pregnancy and I was determined that Senenmut would continue to find me desirable.

Life continued very satisfactorily for me.  At last I had a man who satisfied me completely and it did not matter that I had to share him.  At least he satisfied me most of the time.  Every now and again a very interesting man would come to our court on a diplomatic mission and I just could not help myself.  I so enjoyed the chase and the seduction and besides, I knew deep within my heart that Senenmut loved Hatshepsut more than he loved me.  I tried not to let this gnaw at me and my little trysts with other men somehow restored my confidence in myself.

While my beauty faded my power in the court increased.  I was always a handsome woman for my age but aging cannot be denied.  I found that the obvious power I had at the court was very attractive to many of the visiting dignitaries.  It probably would not have mattered if I was ugly, they would still have wanted me for the possible advantages I could give them with Hatshepsut.

It irked me somewhat that Senenmut never seemed to notice my infidelities.  I tried very hard to ignore the little dead patch in my heart where I knew that I was second best with him.  At least I never lost my second place to another woman.  That was some consolation.

However, she never lost interest in ruling and I made no major decisions on her behalf.  It was the many little things that I took care of.  I arranged the banquets for the visiting dignitaries and often played hostess until she came back from one of her many visits to her building site.  I became very friendly with her three chief and most loyal advisers.  People gossiped behind our backs that I was mistress of the three of them and I could not blame them for assuming such a thing.  However, with these three staunch friends there was never anything but the pure love of friendship.

The people accepted Hatshepsut's conferring of the honours of Royal Daughter of the Queen upon my Neferure.  Everywhere she was depicted as Hatshepsut's daughter.   After  a few years Hatshepsut decided that if they accepted one of my children as hers then why not another.  It was at this point that she changed the name of her son to Neferkhepruamen and gave him prominence.  Neferure gradually moved into the background but always remained close to Hatshepsut's heart.  Perhaps it was bringing attention to this "son" of mine in such a way that led to Metmut stirring up trouble for us in the provinces.

It never occurred to us that news of the Queen raising my son to prominence would reach Metmut or that she would start to add up the years and compare the age of the boy to the time since Menkethare's death.  Who would have thought that she would care?

It did take a few years for the gossip from the provinces to filter through to any considerable extent.  It probably would never had made an impact if it weren't for the fact that there were some powerful men in favour of Hatshepsut giving up her crown to her nephew Thutmose and becoming his regent once more.  She was nearly ten years into her reign when things got to the stage where we feared for Neferkhepruamen's life.

Hapuseneb, the High Priest of  Amen had a plan.  We had long ago confided to him the real parentage of Neferkhepruamen.  He spirited Neferkhepruamen away to a Temple retreat where he would be safe until something could be done.  We were so afraid that he would be assassinated and eventually Hatshepsut decided to throw herself on the mercy of the boy's natural father.

Under the guise of a diplomatic visit Hatshepsut got word to Neferkhepruamen's father who surprisingly, came in person on a diplomatic visit to our court in return.   By this time we had contrived to fake Neferkhepruamen's death and even had a substitute corpse embalmed and a lavish funeral in the hope to make our enemies feel that this particular threat was gone.  We knew that as long as Neferkhepruamen lived Thutmose's supporters would see him as a threat.  Neferkhepruamen's father went home via the Temple retreat where Neferkhepruamen was living under an assumed identity.   He vowed to place him in a noble family and when he was of age give him a place at his court and an annual income.

We can only trust that he fulfilled his vow for we deemed if wise never to have any correspondence on the matter.  Hatshepsut threw herself into her building project to numb her grief and I threw myself into the arms of as many men as would have me.   There was still Senenmut occasionally but as the years went on he saw less of me and devoted himself almost entirely to Hatshepsut.  This was another pain that I had to bear but it did not dim the love I had for my dear sister.

By this time my two older children were married and had given me grandchildren.   Neferure was soon a new bride expecting her first child.  On the one hand I revelled in the children but on the other hand my vanity suffered greatly.  I now became very interested in all the various beauty aids that came to court.  I got to the stage of sending out parties to other countries in search of these aids to beauty and youth.  This became my passion and I sought out younger and younger men to feed my vanity and to numb the hurt I felt deep within my heart.  There was Hatshepsut and Senenmut growing old gracefully together and here was I, desperately envious of their love and devotion.

I kept telling myself that the young men still desired me, not her and all she had was an aging lover to amuse her.  I knew deep down that it wasn't true but I also knew that if I didn't fool myself in some way I would come to hate her and I knew that life would not be worth living for me if I lost that wonderful feeling of love that I had for my sister.

Of course both my sister and I continued to use the contraceptive powder.  We seemed to remain in good health and so it was very odd to us that almost at the same time we both started to get ill.  By the time it was realised that it was the powder and we stopped taking it the damage was done. We continued to deteriorate until we died within days of each other.

Was the powder tampered with?  We felt very strongly that it was but by then we were helpless to do anything about it.